4th of July Jokes

Funny Jokes - 4th of July Jokes


How is a healthy person like the United States?
They both have good constitutions!

What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
Beneduck Arnold!

What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage?
The Liberty Bellhop!

What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?
Liberty!

What was General Washington's favorite tree?
The infantry!

What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?
The Boston Flea Party!

4th of July Quotes

What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!


What ghost haunted King George III?
The spirit of '76!

Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army?
He was a Yankee doodler!

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!

What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle!

4th of July Quotes

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!

What did one flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved!

What dance was very popular in 1776?
Indepen-dance!

What march would you play at a jungle parade?
"Tarzan Stripes Forever"!

Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?
Because they're both cracked!

What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?
The Battle of Bonkers Hill.

Fourth of July Recipes

July 4 July 4th
Independence Day
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Funny Jokes

I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have
to spend my life with intellectuals? I've got a lifesaving
certificate but I don't spend my evenings diving for a
rubber brick with my pajamas on. --Victoria Wood


I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of
telling you to come off the Pill. --Victoria Wood



Sexual harassment at work .... is it a problem for the
self-employed? --Victoria Wood

---

A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am
living up to my full potential? -- Jane Wagner


All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see
that I should have been more specific. -- Jane Wagner


Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about
myself. --Jane Wagner


The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival
tool. --Jane Wagner

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us,
we're schizophrenic. --Jane Wagner


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Funny Golf Joke

The Useful Golf Book

I've been reading a new book, called the "Useful Golf Book".
It contains some really good articles such as:

* How to Line Up Your Fourth Putt.

* How to hit a Nike from the rough when you hit a Titleist from
the tee.

* How to avoid the water when you lie 8 in the bunker.

* How to get more distance off the shank.

* Proper etiquette when you are playing with a complete jerk.

* Crying and how to handle it.

* How to rationalize a 7-hour round.

* How to find the ball that everyone else saw go in the water.

* Why your spouse no longer cares that you birdied the 4th.

* How to let a foursome play through your twosome without getting
embarrassed.

* How to relax when you're hitting five off the tee.


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Funny little boys Joke

Sellavision

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is
four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and
carries it to the register for check-out.

The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine year old replies "Nope, not for my mom."

Without thinking, the cashier responded "Well, they must
be for your sister then?"

The nine year old quipped, "Nope, not for my sister either."

The cashier had now become curious "Oh. Not for your mom
and not for your sister, who are they for?"

The nine year old says "They're for my four year old little
brother."

The cashier is surprised "Your four year old little brother??"

The nine year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you
wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little
brother can't do either of them!"


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Funny Quotes - The Power of Speech

She had lost the art of conversation but not, unfortunately, the power of speech.
- George Bernard Shaw

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